#26: When to Seek Couples Therapy: Navigating Love Through Challenges

In the intricate dance of a romantic relationship, there are moments of joy, connection, and growth, but also moments of challenge, uncertainty, and emotional distance. 

For many, the question arises: Should we seek couples therapy?

This blog invites you to reflect on your relationship, the signs that might indicate it’s time for professional help and the transformative potential of working with a couples therapist. 

Whether you’re navigating communication breakdowns, trust issues, or major life transitions, seeking support can create a safe space to reconnect and heal.

Recognising the Right Time to Seek Therapy

It’s time to consider couples therapy when certain patterns or issues persist in your relationship. Many couples wait too long, often viewing therapy as a “last-ditch effort.” But the best time to seek help is not when the relationship is on the brink but when you notice signs like:

• Poor communication: Conversations feel strained, or conflict becomes the dominant form of interaction.
• Emotional distance: A lack of intimacy or feeling like “roommates” rather than partners.
• Trust issues: Struggles with infidelity, secrecy, or a persistent sense of insecurity.
• Unresolved conflicts: Recurrent arguments over specific problems without resolution.
• Major life transitions: Moving house, starting a family, or dealing with financial challenges.
• Financial Issues: Disagreements over spending, saving, or managing money together can erode trust and create tension in the relationship.
• Repetitive issues or conflicts: the same issue or conflict arises regardless of the circumstances or context.

Relationships thrive on connection, and recognising the telltale signs early can help couples avoid long-term disconnection.

The Role of a Couples Therapist

A couples therapist provides a supportive environment to explore the dynamics of your relationship. Working with a registered marriage and family therapist or a professional counselor can:

• Improve communication skills and foster effective communication.
• Offer tools for conflict resolution and managing family issues.
• Rebuild emotional connection and address lack of trust.
• Help couples navigate specific problems, such as changes in their sex life, financial issues, or relational expectations.
• Increase emotional intimacy
• Increase awareness and objectivity around conflict patterns.
• Create new meaning and places to reconnect.

Build language and understanding around attachment themes in dynamic.

Common Myths About Couples Therapy

It’s a misconception that therapy is only for those facing marital problems or at the edge of separation. Many couples seek therapy to strengthen an already healthy relationship or prepare for challenges through pre-commitment counseling. 

In this modern day, we know that being in an intimate relationship is nuanced and unique to the individual experience of the couple. Committing to a shared life that is mutually aligned and safe requires attention, persistence and energy. This looks like turning toward one another and saying “I’m here, let's do this”. 

Therapy is a proactive choice, not a reactive one.

Another myth is that therapy is about assigning blame. In reality, it’s about fostering mutual understanding, building trust, and learning how to work together as a team. As Dr. John Gottman emphasises, the goal is to replace negativity with appreciation and shared meaning.

Some couples also believe that therapy is only for major crises. However, therapy is incredibly beneficial for navigating everyday stressors, improving communication, and maintaining intimacy in long-term relationships.

A further misconception is that therapy will take too long or is too expensive to be worth it. While every relationship is unique, many couples see improvements within just a few sessions, and the investment often outweighs the emotional and financial costs of unresolved conflicts.

What to Expect in Therapy Sessions

In couples therapy, sessions often focus on creating a safe space where both partners can express themselves without fear of judgment. You might:

• Reflect on the emotional distance or disconnect in your relationship.
• Practice new communication skills and tools for conflict resolution.
• Explore the deeper roots of relational issues, such as childhood experiences or unspoken needs.
• Work together to rebuild emotional connection and foster trust.

Therapists also guide couples through specific frameworks, such as those outlined by the Gottman Institute or the model of Emotion Focused Therapy, to create lasting change.

When Therapy Becomes Necessary

While therapy is valuable at any stage, certain situations demand immediate attention, such as:

• Experiences of domestic violence or abuse.
• Long periods of emotional distance or disconnection.
• Mental health challenges, such as depression or anxiety, impacting the relationship.
• Persistent family issues or interference from family members.

If you’re unsure whether it’s the right time, consider this: the average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital relationship problems. Don’t let time erode the foundation of your relationship.

The Transformative Outcome of Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is not just about solving problems; it’s about rediscovering the joy and connection that brought you together in the first place. It offers a pathway to:

• Rekindle the spark in your romantic relationship.
• Develop effective communication skills to navigate challenges.
• Strengthen your bond during major life transitions.
• Overcome a rough patch during difficult times
• Build a shared vision for the future, grounded in love and mutual respect.

Remember, seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness but of courage and commitment to your relationship’s growth.

Kerimé’s Couples Therapy Approach: Understanding Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples

When you work with Kerimé, her approach is deeply rooted in the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples, a framework developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. This transformative modality highlights the importance of creating secure emotional bonds in romantic relationships.

Here are its key principles:

1. Attachment as the Foundation of Love
   Romantic relationships are deeply rooted in attachment theory. Just as children need secure connections with caregivers, adults need secure emotional bonds with their partners to thrive.
2. Love as an Emotional Bond
   Love is not just about attraction or shared interests—it’s about forming a secure emotional connection that fosters trust, safety, and emotional responsiveness.
3. Accessibility and Responsiveness
   Healthy relationships depend on partners being accessible, responsive, and engaged (ARE). This accessibility creates a foundation for a great relationship.
4. Breaking Negative Cycles
   Many couples get caught in negative interaction patterns or “dances.” Understanding and interrupting these cycles is crucial to restoring the connection.
5. Emotions Drive Behaviour
   Emotions are at the heart of our actions. Identifying underlying emotional needs helps couples move past conflict and reconnect.
6. Healing Attachment Injuries
   Betrayals, abandonment, and breaches of trust create “attachment injuries.” Addressing and healing these injuries is essential for rebuilding security.
7. Conflict as a Protest for Connection
   Most conflicts stem from unmet needs for connection and security. Therapy helps couples express these needs in ways that are understood.
8. Emotional Safety Is Key
   Partners must feel emotionally safe to share vulnerabilities. This safety fosters deeper intimacy and long-term connection.
9. Love as a Process
   Love is not static; it requires ongoing effort, emotional attunement, and repair when disconnection occurs.
10. Growth Through Secure Relationships
    A secure bond provides a safe base, allowing both partners to grow and explore their individual and shared potential.

Kerimé’s approach, grounded in EFT, offers a compassionate and structured pathway for couples to rebuild trust, deepen connection, and create lasting, secure relationships.

Take the First Step with Hue Therapy

If you’re considering couples counselling, I invite you to book an introductory call with me, Kerimé Abay, a licensed psychotherapist with expertise in supporting couples through their relationship journey, whether that be long or short. Together, we can create a safe space to explore your relationship and work towards meaningful connection and growth.

Therapy provides the tools and guidance to move from disconnection to a stronger, healthier partnership. You don’t have to navigate these challenges alone.

Click here to schedule your introductory call and take the first step toward healing and connection.