#20: How Engaging Boundaries With a Nuanced, Dynamic, and Flexible Mindset, Allows Us to Navigate Relationships More Authentically.
Jul 29, 2024
Boundaries serve the purpose of safeguarding what holds meaning, value and sense of safety within us and filters out what doesn't. It's important to recognise that boundaries are something we establish for ourselves by signalling our limits to others.
Enforcing boundaries is akin to an intuitive dance—a practice where we tune into our needs in the moment and respond according to our feelings needs and desires in the moment.
However, our perception of what meets our needs and keeps us safe fluctuates, and we may be uncertain about others' responses to our boundaries. If our boundaries are too rigid or inflexible, the cost can outweigh their intended benefits or lack the meaning or value we seek to protect.
Approaching boundaries with a nuanced, dynamic, and flexible mindset allows us to navigate relationships more authentically. Reflective questions can guide us through this process:
- How did it feel to set the boundary?
- How did it feel when they responded?
- Does the outcome align with my values and intentions?
- If not, how do I want to respond in a way that feels safe and aligns with what is valuable or meaningful to me?
- Is the response, consequence or outcome greater than this value?
- What am I willing to adjust to meet their boundary or requests?
Engaging in active reflection helps us explore alternative pathways and evaluate whether boundaries need to shift, remain the same, or strengthen.
Mindfulness and being present with our feelings and nervous system support our integrity with self because we cannot predict or control others' responses. Additionally, we want to avoid allowing our response to their boundary to be driven by our wounds or negative core beliefs. By observing their response and engaging in internal inquiry or attending to our nervous system, we build trust in our ability to respond authentically and consciously in the moment.
Trust and willingness to adjust and dance with our boundaries ensures they are not rooted in fear but in love and desire—for ourselves and others. Most importantly, our boundaries should reflect our true desires, and regularly checking in helps ensure they remain aligned with our authentic selves.
Through the therapeutic process, we learn how to become ourselves by meeting our needs and understanding how to keep ourselves safe. Therefore, we need to practice and experiment with the process of boundary setting, as this is how we learn what feels most authentic to our unique essence and sense of self. Therefore, unconditional love and curiosity will help allow the unfolding and formation of the new version of you in relationship to others.
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